Remembering J.P Parise: “Be a good guy!”

 

Lessons learned from J.P. Parise’s former players at Shattuck-St. Mary’s will not soon be forgotten

Last Updated on Wednesday, 25 February 2015 16:34

 

By John Hamre
Let’s Play Hockey Guest Columnist
 

“After a brave battle with lung cancer, J.P. Parise passed away peacefully at home Wednesday night with his family by his side.  We appreciate the outpouring of support we have received from family, friends and the entire hockey community during this difficult time.  J.P. was a great husband, father and grandpa and will be greatly missed by all of us.” –  The Parise family statement on the passing of J.P. Parise, Jan. 8, 2015.

 

The Parise family grieves their loss upon J.P. Parise’s passing. We all pay sincere respects to Donna Parise, the Parise family and all of J.P.’s his friends who mourn the loss of a family man and dear friend to so many.

 

J.P. (Jean Paul) Parise gave the many people who saw him play hockey countless memories as an outstanding player. Originally from Smooth Rock Falls, Ont., Parise ultimately made Minnesota his home. He played in 890 NHL games, recording 238 goals and NHL points in a career spanning from 1963 through 1979. Teams Parise played for included the Minnesota North Stars, New York Islanders, Cleveland Barons, Toronto Maple Leafs and Boston Bruins. 

 

Parise paid forward the lessons he learned from a lifetime of hockey through his work as a coach and mentor to so many young players and students he worked with. In particular, much of this work by Parise was done during his time as the Director of Hockey at Shattuck-St. Mary’s School, in Faribault, Minn., from the early 1990s through 2008. This work leaves behind one of the rich facets to his jeweled life’s legacy. Parise earned his way into the hearts, minds and memories of so many players and students. He accomplished this by sharing his joy and enthusiasm for the game, and by his dedication to helping the young players become better people in life beyond the game. 

 

Parise’s playing career occurred long before most of his Shattuck-St. Mary’s students and hockey players were born. None of his Shattuck players were alive to watch or remember his heroics in the 1972 Summit Series between the best Canadian and Russian teams assembled. Most of his Shattuck players were born around the time, or after, Parise was beginning his coaching career for the North Stars as an assistant coach between 1980 and 1988.

 

Most importantly, Parise cared about all of the students he worked with at Shattuck. It didn’t matter where a student came from, or if a student was a hockey player or not, or if that student was destined for the NHL or some other important walk of life. J.P. had a gift. He stamped upon and sealed within the hearts of these students and players the lessons and values they now carry forward in their lifetimes.

 

The players and alumni J.P. worked with will undoubtedly pay forward many times over the lessons and stories received from their coach, especially, J.P.’s lesson to all, to “Just be a good person.”
 

 

Tom Ward is now the Director of Hockey, and Prep Team Head Coach, at Shattuck-St. Mary’s. Ward has been at Shattuck since 1999. His tenure coaching the Prep team came several years after Parise had begun working at Shattuck in the early 1990s. Ward had the privilege to get to know Parise well during their years working together through 2008, when Parise took on a new challenge of coaching Des Moines in the USHL.

 

Parise was at Shattuck with so many great coaches. He was influential in bringing many of them to the Faribault school – coaches like Brian Riley (1997-99, current Army head coach), Andy Murray (former NHL head coach, current Western Michigan head coach), Larry Hendrickson, Murray Eaves (current Shattuck Bantam coach), Mike Eaves (currently Wisconsin head coach) and Ward.  The list of these top flight coaches goes on.

 

“The thing I remember about ‘Jeep,’ before knowing him at Shattuck, was he was a tremendous athlete and a fierce competitor,” Ward said. “ He mentioned a story to me of himself as a young player.  A stewardess came by on a plane and asked him if they wanted anything. J.P. made some comment. When the stewardess left, an older player sitting next to him said, ‘Why do you have to be such a (jerk)? Why do you have to have such a chip on your shoulder?’ From that moment on, J.P. said that changed him. It was like that had kicked him in the gut. It was an epiphany for him.”

 

Ward went on to describe that moment on a plane so long ago, and its long-lasting impact on Parise’s guiding mentorship of the Shattuck-St. Mary’s hockey program and school culture to this day. 

 

“(J.P.) said that is where he got the ‘Be a good guy’ credo,” Ward continued. “There is nothing more important at Shattuck-St. Mary’s as a student-athlete than being a good guy or girl or person. J.P. laid that in stone. It will be here forever. That is who we are – ‘Be a good person.’” 

 

That was Parise, and anyone who played for him will tell you the same message they carry forward in their lives.

 

Ward spent much time speaking with Parise, and developed a close relationship working with him through the years. Ward shared that Parise always stressed to his players to care about your teammates, and to be humble. Ward emphasized that Parise expressed distaste for players that expressed arrogance, and that attitude of a player didn’t last long on Parise’s teams.

 

Ward went on to describe how valuable Parise’s gift to talk and tell stories was with Shattuck-St. Mary’s students. “He had a really good way of communicating with kids. Especially in a boarding school environment, there are young kids who want to sit and just talk. Kids could come in and chat and it didn’t have to be about hockey.” 

 

Shattuck-St. Mary’s is a special school, with a special hockey program and a meaningful heritage. Parise is an important piece of their hockey program’s history-filled legacy, which Ward is so proud to shepherd forward.
 

 

Later in his NHL playing career, Parise was traded to the New York Islanders, where he then played for parts of four seasons (1975-78).  During his time in New York, the Islanders were assembling the many young players that would shape their dynasty era of four Stanley Cup Championships from 1980-83. Denis Potvin – the 1973 NHL Draft’s No. 1 overall pick, a 1991 Hockey Hall of Fame inductee, the Islanders team captain and winner of four Stanley Cups – was a younger teammate of Parise’s on the Islanders.

 

“It was a sad loss for all of us,” Potvin said on the death of Parise. “I had contact with him throughout the years and much conversation was on Zach and how well he was doing in the NHL. In terms of my impression when he was at Shattuck-St. Mary’s, it had to be a perfect fit for him.

 

“In New York, I was a young guy and he was a veteran. He kept things light, and he kept things professional.”

 

Potvin now provides color commentary for Florida Panthers’ game broadcasts on FOX Florida. During the broadcast of a Panthers’ game in Vancouver this past weekend, FOX Florida provided a tribute to Parise. 

 

“It was personal to me,” Potvin said. “I was the only one (on the broadcast team) to have known and played with him. FOX Florida gave us the time to do the broadcast tribute.” 

 

The air time to give tribute to Potvin’s old teammate and friend was clearly and deeply appreciated by the broadcaster.

 

I asked Potvin if he saw any instincts for coaching in Parise when they played together on the Islanders teams of the mid 1970s.

 

“Seeing young players develop and do well – me, Bobby Nystrom, Clark Gillies, Bryan Trottier, Mike Bossy – he was interested in seeing us develop,” Potvin said. “He wanted to help the young players develop. He was tremendous with us as ‘kids’ when we played, and no one that played with him would forget him.”

 

 

Tom Reid, currently the color analyst for Minnesota Wild radio broadcasts and the person who will eulogize Parise at his funeral service this Friday afternoon, shared insight about his dear friend. 

 

“More than anything, J.P. played many years in the NHL. Being behind the bench gave him a different perspective of the game. If you talk to guys that played for him at Shattuck – like Toews, Crosby, Okposo, and others – they will tell you it wasn’t about on the ice. It was how he mentored them off the ice. J.P. really enjoyed it, coaching whether at Shattuck-St. Mary’s or in Des Moines. For a young kid growing up, they were getting into sections of life they needed guidance in. It is easy to show a breakout or system on the ice. It was the mentoring off the ice.

 

“Being with the Parises last week it was amazing how many kids, the number of kids that stopped by the house. He had a way about him – a person more of a positive than a negative. If something happened, he would meet it head on. He really enjoyed his time coaching at Shattuck-St. Mary’s.”
 

 

To adapt a common English idiom, ‘From the mouths of children often comes wisdom and truth.’ You will hear the heart and Parise’s voice shared in the words spoken by the kids – now young men – whom he coached. These young men are now professionals in adult life – some in careers away from hockey, some in the NHL – and they will all echo J.P.’s lasting credo: “Just be a good guy.” 

 

From the mouths of children, from the hearts of J.P.’s hockey players – lessons learned, lessons taught by Parise will be recounted and told forward for years to come.

 

Drew Stafford is currently a member of the Buffalo Sabres, and has played in the NHL since the 2006-07 season. Stafford played for Parise’s Shattuck-St. Mary’s Bantam team. Amidst a couple off days in an NHL schedule that he described as a blur, and busy at his home in Buffalo with a new-born child in his own family, Stafford shared time and comments of his memories of his Bantam coach, dear friend and mentor. 

 

“(J.P.) is obviously a very important and influential person in a lot of persons’ lives.  If you go through the list of NHL players (from Shattuck), and anyone that went to Shattuck, he had a huge impact on so many persons from a day-to-day perspective on how you carry yourself, how you conduct yourself.

 

“When I first came to Shattuck it was a humbling experience being around the best players I’d ever seen – Zach Parise, Brady Murray, Tyler Hirsch, and others. It was an extremely humbling experience. J.P. gave me a kick in the rear. Our first skate was with the best players I’d ever seen. J.P. was always so supportive.”

 

With a laugh, Stafford continued, “It was one of my first skates and I wanted to impress J.P., because he was going to be our Bantam coach that year. He said, ‘You’re kind of big and slow.’ That fired me up. It was the first time I’d had some constructive criticism. I took that to heart. That really motivated me and opened my eyes to become a better player.

 

“Overall – encouragement, support, a little tough love – how he always saw the best in people and brought the best out of people. He and ‘Wardo’ (Tom Ward) were extremely important in my development as a player, and more importantly as a person.” 

 

I described my most vivid personal memory of Parise as a coach and later in his life when I would see him in the rinks coaching or recruiting his players – J.P.’s ever-present smile, the glowing energy in his face and twinkle in his eyes that couldn’t help but leave you feeling better after sharing a few words in a conversation with him. 

 

Stafford replied, “The smile – the best way to describe (J.P.) is ‘genuine.’ He was just a special person. He could walk into a room and just make you smile. His life, it was more that hockey. I’m sure you’ve heard this from all the guys at Shattuck, his saying was ‘Be a good guy!’”

 

 

The Chicago Blackhawks were in town to play the Minnesota Wild last Thursday evening, and with them Jonathon Toews, their captain and a former Shattuck St.-Mary’s hockey player who knew Parise from his time in Faribault.

 

“J.P. was always a very selfless person and you see that in how Zach carries himself,” Toews told the Star Tribune. “It’s a tough loss for the family that I was a part of as a young kid, the Shattuck-St. Mary’s hockey family. He was very influential to the young hockey players there. He had so many great stories and one-liners and just advice he’d give to the young guys in high school there. If you were ever going through a tough time being away from home, he would always seem to have a way to pick you up.”
 

 

Jamie Leathers played for Parise during his time as a student at Shattuck St. Mary’s. I had the privilege to coach Jamie while he was a junior and senior at Blake. Jamie scored an overtime goal to win a section championship in 2006, on the way to the Bears’ MSHSL Class A State Consolation Championship. He went on to play for Gustavus Adolphus in the 2010 NCAA Division III National Championship game. The Leathers family became very close to J.P. and Donna Parise during Jamie’s time at Shattuck, and they have remained so ever since. Jamie held J.P. Parise in the highest regards as a coach, mentor and friend.

 

“I played my freshman year for (J.P.), on the U14 Bantam team. We were something like 68-2-0. We took second in the (USA Hockey) National Tournament. We had guys like (Kyle) Okposo, (Jamie) McBain, Trent Palm, Garrett Roe, Tyler Ruegsegger, Tysen Dowzak. One time he came into the locker room in between periods – I forget what team we were beating – and said, ‘The hardest lead in hockey to hold is 26-0.’ That was the kind of coach he was, constantly teaching, always joking and teaching.”

 

Leathers described how committed Parise was to anyone on his team. 

 

“I had been out for about six weeks with a severe high ankle sprain. The day after Christmas I wanted to skate. There was nobody else at the rink, nobody else around campus. Everyone was home on break. I wanted to go out and skate. (J.P.) went out and skated with me for a couple hours. He worked on all kinds of drills – he stayed out there with me skating.”

 

Leathers then emphasized, “He always said, ‘Just be a good person.’ He played in the pros. He had been a part of the hazing (era) and he just hated it. He said, ‘I was one of those that got hazed and just hated it.’ He always said, 'Be a good person and be a good teammate.'”

 

Leathers experienced working with Parise as an academic advisor as well as being coached by him. 

 

“J.P. was a morning advisor to a group of us. He constantly went to bat for you. It didn’t have to be about hockey. His door was always open. If a guy couldn’t go home for Thanksgiving  or Christmas – he constantly wanted to make sure people felt taken care of – he had people over for dinner at the holidays.

 

“Education was just as important. He was the one that pushed to get laptops so when teams went on the road, players could do their schoolwork. He would review grades with you every quarter. He was the one that held you accountable. And it wasn’t like you’re in trouble; it was, ‘How can we make this better?

 

“There were endless stories he was telling us. He never got too upset at us. He tried to make things right in the long run. If we were playing bad it might be a little different, but his speeches would always end with a chuckle and a life message. A takeaway that has shaped my life – the thing I remember, I carry with me in life, in every job interview I’ve had – he said, ‘Pressure is created by a lack of preparation.’  We were always prepared as a team for every situation.

 

“Another story that shaped my life. It was the end of the season, and in a game we were playing it seemed like everyone was trying to impress (Tom) Ward, to make the Prep team for next year. He came into the locker room and told us a story ‘about a guy driving down a dirt road and a tire blows. He is walking down the dirt road and sees a house, and hopes the guy will let him borrow a jack to change the tire.’ The message he was telling us was, control what you can control, go do what you can do on the ice, and the rest will take care of itself. Don’t talk yourself out of something that hasn’t even happened yet.

 

“If we were playing poorly he came into the locker room with that kind of message. It had a little lightness in it. It made you smile.

 

”He cared a ton. It didn’t matter if you were the best or worst on the team, you could ask him and he would help you. Regardless of the time of day, or time of year, he would help you first before going on.”

 

Leathers expressed what so many people who knew J.P. well are able to share. Parise was genuine, he was real. He was able to share joy and uplift others through his personality, accumulated life wisdom and abilities to recount stories upon stories in wonderful detail. J.P. was able to own his own vulnerabilities. 

 

“J.P. was very non-pretentious,” Leathers said. “ What you see is what you get. My dad (Ray) has a pretty funny story about J.P. Every year the Prep, U16 and U14 teams would go overseas on a trip to play. During my ninth grade year, we were in Paris, and we were going up the Eiffel Tower. The elevator is open, and J.P. was afraid of heights. Literally, he had no shame, he buried his head in my dad’s chest the whole ride up.”
 

 

This past Saturday, Kyle Okposo, another former Bantam player of Parise’s, now of the New York Islanders, told Newsday, “I remember his coaching and how he got me going. It made no difference if I was struggling in life or was down on myself; he always seemed to have the right things to say. He could always make me laugh, too. J.P. was a good man.”

 

“I first met him when I went to Shattuck and I was 14. He was a coach of mine and I developed a relationship with him over time in those years. He was someone I turned to when I needed some help, guidance or advice, and he’s going to be missed.”
 

 

Tysen Dowzak also played for Parise’s 2001-02 Bantam team which had so much success. After playing for and winning a USA Hockey National Championship with the Shattuck-St. Mary’s Prep team, Dowzak played four years for the Kelowna Rockets in the Western Hockey League, was signed as a free agent by the New York Rangers, and embarked upon a six-year minor league career in North America and one final season playing in Scotland last year. With back issues forcing him to retire, he is now in real estate working in Naples, Fla.

 

“The biggest thing I remember is how much (J.P.) cared about people that came through there – guys, girls, all students. As a coach he was obviously knowledgeable; he knew everything. The biggest thing was the respect factor he had for everyone. And thus the respect he commanded as a result of it.

 

“He would always say, ‘Just be a good guy.’ In any regards. That was the thing that stuck with me the most. When I would see him (later in life) at dinner parties at the Leathers’, he would always ask, ‘How’s life?’ You could tell he cared more about you outside the rink, not just on it. He definitely held you to a higher standard. That’s what he wanted you to hold yourself to.”

 

Joe Brock was a young lad from Atlanta when he enrolled at Shattuck-St. Mary’s. He attended Shattuck for grades eight through 12, from 2001-06, and played two years directly for Parise’s Bantam team. He attended college at Holy Cross for two years and Amherst College for two years where he graduated from in 2011. He played hockey at both colleges, and is now completing a combined M.B.A./J.D. graduate degree program.

 

Remembering J.P. Parise, Brock said, “I played for him as my head coach in eighth grade, in my Bantam year. We stayed real close, he took me in for the summers (to train) and I stayed at his house. The overarching thing that I can say – there is so much – is he was that program. He was perfect for the role he played. He was a great coach. He looked out for everyone in the program. He cared for everyone in the program, and he embodied the program. He always preached to ‘Be a good guy’ – to teachers, to students, to teammates. He was so much more about learning to be a man and growing up. He took a lot of kids under his wing.

 

“Being someone who knew him as a coach, the NHL career was a sidenote to who he was. Everyone that knew him as a leader and teacher and coach, the NHL career wasn’t as important as he was to us in our lives.”
 

 

Sincerest respects are given, and sympathies expressed, upon the passing of Jean Paul Parise (Dec. 11, 1941 – Jan. 7, 2015).  Parise called Minnesota home for him and his family. He left a special legacy among the players he worked with as a coach, and within their hearts which he touched and inspired. His legacy and impact upon a program can be seen in the careers of the many Shattuck-St. Mary’s alumni he worked with, and within the foundations of the Shattuck-St. Mary’s hockey program through today.

 

Stafford expressed what so many feel as respects are paid, sympathies are expressed for all family members and friends of J.P. Parise, and he is ultimately laid to rest: “The love and support that there is for the Parise family stretches across the globe.”

 

During a 22-year coaching career, John Hamre has coached PeeWee, Bantam, high school, NCAA Division I, Junior A and minor professional hockey. He was the video coach for the 1994 USA Men’s Olympic Team, coached within the USA Hockey NTDP, and at many USA Hockey festivals. He holds a Ph.D. from the University of Minnesota.

 

Photos: Shattuck-St. Mary's, Mike Thill/Let's Play Hockey