Last Updated on Wednesday, 09 September 2015 15:18
By Kevin Hartzell
Let’s Play Hockey Columnist
I am the father of millennials. Three of them. This summer I have had two of them living at home with my wife and I … both of them invited. Our hockey-playing son hadn’t been home in seven years and we thought it best to get him back to family and friends, and also to train in Minnesota. I plan to share more of his story in the near future. Our daughter needed to come home for some personal reasons.
In all, I have been around my own kids, their cousins and their friends in numbers like I haven’t been for some time. I have talked to many of these millennials who have been in our lives, and their views and opinions of each other – of other “millennials” – are generally not great. I have had numerous conversations with parent-peers and often hear the same. It all prompted me to read a number of articles on this current generation of millennials, and the articles are generally unbecoming as well.
Part of what I learned from talking to these young people is that they harbor a general disdain for each other’s selfishness. In this age of the selfie, millennials themselves tell me that other millennials are self-absorbed. The girls tell me it is very hard to find a guy worth dating who is not into mainly themselves, sports, video games and so on. The boys love to talk about themselves, the girls tell me.
The boys say all you need to know about girls is go to any girl’s Facebook page. They say you will see a series of “selfies” featuring of course, “themselves.” They say girls want each social endeavor to be about “them” and their look and their great looking friends. The boys tell me finding a girl who is not self-centered is very hard to do.
The articles I have read on the subject say much the same. Some of what I have read has more to do with millennials as employees. They don’t receive high grades, though they do have some strengths, especially in technology.
I am trying to make sense of it all so I can share whatever thoughts I can, especially as it pertains to hockey and parenting and how we all together can make the hockey experience better for our kids who participate in our great sport.
So what does this have to do with hockey? I am hopeful that all parents still aspire for hockey to be mostly an instruction manual for life in general. We want our kids to grow into healthy adults, and hockey can be a great and fun way to learn about life and the skills needed to make it in what is becoming an increasing tough world.
So here are a few suggestions for parents of our young hockey pucks.
1. If your son or daughter struggles within the team, if they don’t play as much or on the right line, or if they have a bad game or their feelings get hurt for some reason … I say GOOD! Learning to be resilient and developing resolve or “grit” to overcome their problems is one of the great lessons to be learned from the great game of hockey.
2. Limit your praise and social media posts. Hockey is a team game and not so much about “YOU!” The constant “look at me” or “look at us” for participating in a team endeavor, while a little is good, too much is TOO MUCH and not healthy for our young people’s development of SELF and who they are or how much they mean to society.
3. Let’s watch how we use the phrase “you did your best” or “I did my best.” Best is a relative term. Today’s best is tomorrow’s “NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” No matter the age, hockey is supposed to be fun, of course, but more than anything, this great sport can teach HARD WORK AND DISCIPLINE! I cannot think of a better lesson in this game of hockey where hard work is often rewarded. But the even greater thing is that hard work is not always rewarded. No matter the level of reward or outcome, the great thing about hockey is there is tomorrow and one thing is for sure, it will take a high level of “hard” again and again. Even for our youngest players just learning to skate – fun yes, but it still takes a level of “trying your best today” to get anywhere.
4. Let’s get rid of the false praise. Let’s get rid of trophies for participating. Let’s get rid of cupcakes in the locker room and maybe even some of the McDonald’s stops. Let’s learn the value of selfless contribution to team … period!
5. Lastly, let’s give as much responsibility and ownership as is possible for the particular age … back to the kids. Often we supervise for them. We organize for them. We talk for them. We even fight battles for them. We are not doing them a service. The key in great coaching and parenting is to understand how much they can take on for themselves individually and as a team and what needs help and coaching … and parenting. This is where the real skill comes in.
There is real joy that comes from being a part of a successful team. That includes more than sports, of course. It includes a small team like a marriage and a bigger team in corporate America. They all have their rewards. But in the end, it is more about what we give, than what we get.
More and more today, it seems like we have the formula incorrect and our younger generations are telling us it might be time to retool. Hockey can be one of those tools. It remains one of the greatest games where hard work, attention to detail and a selfless approach yields results that go beyond talent. That’s why I love hockey as much as I do. A real committed team (with a good goalie) can overcome talent alone and can teach some of the most important lessons for life.
Kevin Hartzell was most recently the head coach of Lillehammer in Norway’s GET-Ligaen. A St. Paul native and forward for the University of Minnesota from 1978-82, Hartzell coached in the USHL from 1983-89 with the St. Paul Vulcans and from 2005-12 with the Sioux Falls Stampede. His columns have appeared in Let’s Play Hockey since the late 1980s. His new book “Leading From the Ice” is now available at amazon.com.
